Well, it's been a long time since the last time I updated this blog...
Somehow it'll be the last update I made on this blog...
Many things were happened since Choco was back from Dubai...
Argues, laughs, smiles, tears and annoying attitude were taking part on our daily interaction...
But seems like we can't walk in the same path and direction anymore...
Don't get me wrong, we both love each other and none of us doubt that, but somehow, love itself doesn't enuff for us to keep going.
Of course we can be selfish and just keep going together whatever it takes...but we just can't be happy by stepping on other's tears, we just can't.
then we decided to end it all, although it was the hardest decision we ever made...well at least for me...
I know that I seems like complaint about Choco a lot, it seems like I were so suffer and annoyed by spending my time with him...but it's not...
God knows how much I love Choco.
I do agree that there was a time that he was really annoying and really made my tears run down (which was many times) but there still more times that he put away his ego and try to understand me when I "scratching" over him due to my "pms". I know that his man-logic were never accept such excuse (I mean the pms)...but his love made him push himself to understand me more...
I know it sounds whine and lousy and whatever u are call it by read this post, well...I don't care...this the only way to speak up my mind before I'm blowing up into a pieces of tears...
I am only a fragile girl who try to be strong for my entire life, by put a mask onto my face, therefore no one knows that I am weak...
Being with Choco for almost a year was something for me, had me by my side, had someone that I know care for me that much...and see all my bad and uncool side of my attitude was never easy...and for him to take all of my bad and good side was never be a simple decision also...
It's hurt for me...more than I can imagine to have him taken from me, I DON'T WANT IT, I CAN'T...but I have too...
I know it will be hard for him also if I was arguing...although he will win over the argue (like all the time... :p)
It feels like the shell been cracked and expose the fragile side unprotected...
It just I need him...not by being here all the time, but the feeling of have him and know that he cares just make me stronger...I don't know how to explain tho...
But then again...
I can't be selfish by keep him by my side...cuz I know it'll hurt him even more...
I know that I have to learn that love is never taken...is given...
I was have him, that's awesome...but I know somehow I have left my presence inside his heart forever.
I know that I still have his heart now, until...I don't know...someday when he meet someone who will fill in the place I left...but I know although it will be, but there'll be still a tiny place that keep my presence inside his heart...
not in a bad way though...it just, we had so many things in common, and we did have fun back days...they were too beautiful to forget...
I will do the same too...
So Choco~ if you read this...
thanks for every moments we had together, although it's hurt but I never regret what was I had chosen earlier, to be with u...
Although I know that it will be like this soon or later, but I know that nothing can be replaced your love to me...
I know you said that "I won't never be able to love u as much as you are to me..." but I know that u are...it just we did it in a different way...
In my standard, of course u won't ever win over me because you never be a woman, but I know the time when you take a deep breath when I acted annoying and still smile, time when u try to steal ur time within your tight deadline because you know that I need some care and you don't want me to feel neglect, just smile when I shouted at your for something small but I think that u were wrong, or force yourself to hand out with me at weekend although u were sick because you know that you've been busy for a week...
I know that you love me...although it takes all my effort to made u say that to me... :p
And I'd love to have you as my friend hunnie...
I know that we need to stop now, because we already tried...if you really meant for me, i know that I will have you again someday...but if not...I think we already made a right decision...
I love you so much Choco~
too bad that we are different... :) It just bad...
