It's not the end...

Well, it's been a long time since the last time I updated this blog...
Somehow it'll be the last update I made on this blog...

Many things were happened since Choco was back from Dubai...
Argues, laughs, smiles, tears and annoying attitude were taking part on our daily interaction...

But seems like we can't walk in the same path and direction anymore...

Don't get me wrong, we both love each other and none of us doubt that, but somehow, love itself doesn't enuff for us to keep going.
Of course we can be selfish and just keep going together whatever it takes...but we just can't be happy by stepping on other's tears, we just can't.
then we decided to end it all, although it was the hardest decision we ever made...well at least for me...

I know that I seems like complaint about Choco a lot, it seems like I were so suffer and annoyed by spending my time with him...but it's not...
God knows how much I love Choco.
I do agree that there was a time that he was really annoying and really made my tears run down (which was many times) but there still more times that he put away his ego and try to understand me when I "scratching" over him due to my "pms". I know that his man-logic were never accept such excuse (I mean the pms)...but his love made him push himself to understand me more...

I know it sounds whine and lousy and whatever u are call it by read this post, well...I don't care...this the only way to speak up my mind before I'm blowing up into a pieces of tears...
I am only a fragile girl who try to be strong for my entire life, by put a mask onto my face, therefore no one knows that I am weak...
Being with Choco for almost a year was something for me, had me by my side, had someone that I know care for me that much...and see all my bad and uncool side of my attitude was never easy...and for him to take all of my bad and good side was never be a simple decision also...
It's hurt for me...more than I can imagine to have him taken from me, I DON'T WANT IT, I CAN'T...but I have too...
I know it will be hard for him also if I was arguing...although he will win over the argue (like all the time... :p)
It feels like the shell been cracked and expose the fragile side unprotected...
It just I need him...not by being here all the time, but the feeling of have him and know that he cares just make me stronger...I don't know how to explain tho...

But then again...
I can't be selfish by keep him by my side...cuz I know it'll hurt him even more...
I know that I have to learn that love is never taken...is given...
I was have him, that's awesome...but I know somehow I have left my presence inside his heart forever.
I know that I still have his heart now, until...I don't know...someday when he meet someone who will fill in the place I left...but I know although it will be, but there'll be still a tiny place that keep my presence inside his heart...
not in a bad way though...it just, we had so many things in common, and we did have fun back days...they were too beautiful to forget...

I will do the same too...

So Choco~ if you read this...
thanks for every moments we had together, although it's hurt but I never regret what was I had chosen earlier, to be with u...
Although I know that it will be like this soon or later, but I know that nothing can be replaced your love to me...
I know you said that "I won't never be able to love u as much as you are to me..." but I know that u are...it just we did it in a different way...
In my standard, of course u won't ever win over me because you never be a woman, but I know the time when you take a deep breath when I acted annoying and still smile, time when u try to steal ur time within your tight deadline because you know that I need some care and you don't want me to feel neglect, just smile when I shouted at your for something small but I think that u were wrong, or force yourself to hand out with me at weekend although u were sick because you know that you've been busy for a week...
I know that you love me...although it takes all my effort to made u say that to me... :p

And I'd love to have you as my friend hunnie...
I know that we need to stop now, because we already tried...if you really meant for me, i know that I will have you again someday...but if not...I think we already made a right decision...

I love you so much Choco~
too bad that we are different... :) It just bad...

Tuan Muda dan...Babu?

Happy Friday Tweeps...#eh... *disorientasi* *ini dimana?*

Anyway...still remember with my favorite phrase of "Putri Cantik dan Tukang Kebon" which WAS represented Vanilla (as Putri Cantik) and Choco (as Tukang Kebon)...

Well...firstly let me update u with Choco already gave up on cewe-cewe-arabic-yang-ohmaigat-keren-bangets-itu (baca: ya eyalah...cewe2 arabic kan lagi ga butuh tukang kebon, emang mau berkebon kaktus? hhhh~) and back to Indonesia...

dan akhirnya...tiba saatnya gw bertemu dy...
errr...sebenernya it wasn't something sih...just because we haven't met up for like 2 months so I was a bit nervous...a BIT ok...not much...

And then I saw him...

...

HAH?!??!?

Ok, I think it's either I have total katarak on my eyes or alien has taken Choco's body...but...WHERE'S MY TUKANG KEBON?? *sambil naro punggung tangan di jidat dan ngesot dilantai*

the man I saw, wear blazer...shirt and jeans...and...SENDAL JEPIT...ok...that's my Choco~
But still...
Blazer??
oh Helloooooow...? *langsung berpikir keras apakah kta mau ke kondangan atau cuma mau nge-mall*

Ok..ok..I ADMIT that he looked d*mn gorgeous...but...ok...how do I say it...
Remember the picture I posted above?

See my point...

NO?

GW GA MAU JADI BABU...T____T
because it started to turn upside down into "Tuan Muda and the babu" ... I want princess...give me back my princessness *ok, I'm not sure if the word is really existed*

So this new Choco is a shopaholic (trust me, I almost gave up to accompany him shop thru 3 different malls in a day) and brand follower (I can smell ZARA vapor out from his new suit, and YES I SERIOUSLY CAN SMELL HOW MUCH IT COST also) ...

Dan akhirnya...

Gw pun harus mengeluarkan baju2 super keren gw (or I need to shop if I don't have any) untuk merebut kembali gelar gw...

Doakan saya...

Merdeka!! *menatap pedih ke kredit kard yang uda limit lagi padahal jatuh temponya masi lama*

Rejeki di bulan Puasa...zzzzz =___=

among these tight deadline and overload works...
I am back to update my blog... *pake icon bowing >> ga ada icon soalnya*

Well, sebenernya gw uda bingung mau ngapain...(baca: gw ga nganggur...tapi kebanyakan kerjaan...jadi plis don't "ngepel aja di ruma gw" and stuffs =___=) dan ditengah2 kebingungan dan dilemma gw (mau ngelempar laptop atau ngebakar tugas2 gw) gw pun kembali menulis blog (baca: menuliskan tumpukan celaan untuk Choco *ngikik riang gembira*)

Actually it happen long time ago during the fasting season...

So me and Choco as usual had a date (setelah dengan berat hati Choco meninggalkan server2 dan laptop yang selalu dielus2 dengan rasa sayang yang berlebihan itu) so we decided to met up at 5 at Pepper Lunch...
I said to him to meet me at Pepper Lunch SENAYAN CITY and he agreed...

Then I reserved taxi which happened to pissed me off since it didn't show within 1 HOUR, I assume it took a wrong turn and already made its half way to BANDUNG by then =___=
So I was texted Choco and said that I might be late a bit...
Then he was responded and said that he ALSO be late since he is currently engaged on something-that-he-didn't-mention-and-left-me-wondering-why-he-should-engage-on-something-during-our-date and...gw bete... =__=

Dan akibat dari ke-bete-an gw (yang terakumulasi karna Choco dengan cantiknya sibuk "mengurus sesuatu yang penting" dan menurut pengendusan gw adalah softer version dari "I can't leave my laptop and servers so I have to stay a bit longer for ngelus2 mereka") akirnya gw lupa bawa duit...

kurang dramatis?

GW LUPA BAWA DUIT LOH...SUMPE DEH... =____=;;;

Akhirnya gw dengan paniknya menyingkirkan harga diri gw dan telpon Choco (yang tadinya mau gw cuekin karna gw pengen sayang2an sama tembok aja while he's sayang2an sama server en leptop)...
Dan ga nyambung... -___-;;;

Akhirnya setelah gw diam, tangkup tangan dan angguk2 3x...gw menemukan 2 lembar 10ribuan, 1 lembar 5ribuan dan 7 lembar serebuan... (1st lesson...INGATLAH untuk menyimpan uangmu di...mana2, siapa tau pas lo dalam situasi terjepit, lo bisa menemukan oase di tengah gurun...*apasih* *ga nyambung* ya pokonya gitu deh)

Abis itu Choco baru telpon gw *telat banget sih loeee...*
Ternyata...dia uda sampe di senayan...

Ga lama, I finally reached Senci...dan langsung menju foodcourt as Choco said that he was queued at pepper lunch...
Dan sesampainya di pepper lunch...

...

Err...jangankan Choco...antrian depan pepper lunch aja kaga ada.... -___-;;

Dengan insting yang kuat bahwa si Choco dengan cantiknya tidak mensinkronisasi antara pendengaran dan kaki...gw pun telpon choco...

Vanilla : kamu dimana...? *mulai bete* *uda laper* *bisa makan orang*
Choco : Aku lagi antri di Pepper Lunch...
Vanilla : Di...
Choco : *dengan polos* Plasa Senayan
*DUAARRRRR* *terdengar back sound medan perang dikejauhan*
Vanilla : Kan aku bilang tadi di Senayan City...
Choco : Oh...kamu dimana?
Vanilla : ya di Senayan City loh..masa di TA??? *siapin bom molotov*
Choco : Oh...kayanya kamu bilang ke Plasa Senayan...? Kan mau makan Pepper Lunch...
Vanilla : *ngarahin rudal ke Plasa Senayan, depan Pepper Lunch* aku bilang Senayan City...di ini juga ada Pepper Lunch...
Choco : *ketawa* *belum sadar akan apa yang akan menimpa* Oh...gitu...jadi gimana...
Vanilla : ya udah aku ksana...

*RUDAL LAUNCHED*

Dan jadilah gw dengan rok mini dan high heel nyebrang ke Plasa Senayan dengan sibuk megangin rok gw yang berkibar-kibar kaya bendera dengan diiringi suit2an para tukang ojek yang pengen gw tancepin jidatnya pake heels gw...

Sampe ke atas...gw melihat Choco lagi ngantri pake...KAOS OBLONG...
sambil bawa bungkusan kresek gede...
sambil nyengir2 minta di sambit palang kereta api... zzzzzzz~

Pas gw liat, ternyata isinya kado...dengan great expectation gw bertanya

Vanilla : Choco, itu buat sapa?
Choco : oh...buat temen, nanti ketemuwan...
Vanilla : ...

Dan gw pun bete sementara Choco nyengir2 nista...

Pas makan...ternyata kadonya buat gw...berisi boneka sapi *yang bernama Momo*. Ternyata...Choco beliin boneka sapi dulu sebelom ke Senci PS...

Well, sometimes Choco *with his lack of romanticism thought* is really sweet at his own way...and I really appreciate it (Momo is become my fave one now ^^)

But not for made me JALAN KAKI dengan rok berkibar2 itu... =____=